House Rules For Dogs
Some Basic Rules For Dogs Who Have A House To Run
1. If you feel nauseous, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can't manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug preferably, but any good rug will do. (The middle of the human's bed is a good spot too).
2. ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It's not necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.
3. Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on our hind legs and hammer with your forepaws or whine as though your life depended on it.
4. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up, and consoled with food. (And to get twice the number of treats, demand one before you go out and another when you come back in.... two treats for only one comfort break!)
5. Once a door is opened, it's not necessary to use it. After you've ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and ponder about the meaning of life, or biscuits! It's particularly important during very cold or hot weather, rain, snow, and wasp season.
6. Begin people-training early. You'll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
